I’m Outta Here!

Andy’s inaugural post about Pat Robertson’s latest “End Times” predictions struck a chord with me because my mom and her husband Gary are Seventh Day Adventists – “Neener, neener, neener.  You only keep nine of the commandments.  We keep all teh-enah!”  Anyway, it seems the SDAs are just as preoccupied with the end times as our dispensational, charismatic, “Sunday go to meetin’” brothers and sisters are.  They too have all the charts and graphs and DVDs and…  You get the picture.  This has prompted many a discussion between myself and my mom and Gary that always ends with me sayin something along the lines of “Sorry for ripping your beliefs to shreds.”  “Again.”

My little pea-laybrain has come to the conclusion that this preoccupation with the rapture, besides being the flesh’s attempt to be God and rule it’s destiny, is a way to justify one’s shortcomings in regards to being a faithful covenant vassel.  I don’t need to be a faithful servant because I’m outta here any minute now.  I don’t need to be a (type of) “prophet, priest and king” for my family cause they got their fire insurance too.  Why should I worry about protecting my wife if we’ll be “gwine up to hebbin” shortly.  It’s far easier to bide our time than to step up to the plate of covenant responsibilities.  Consider the amount of ink wasted on the rapture as opposed to the time spent seeking to understand what God would have one do in regards to leading a life of devotion, piety, sacrifice and mortification of the flesh.

Of course these sort of statements where met with the retort that “We gotta warn people of the coming danger” (hence the preoccupation).  Well I think the Gospel is quite sufficient for converting those whom God has predestined for grace.  We’ve been looking for His return for centuries now (the SDAs have been touting the return of Christ since the mid 1800’s).  When are we gonna get a clue?  How about looking after the needs of widows and orphans and keeping oneself from being polluted by the world?  God expects complete covenant faithfulness but we are always trying to squirm out from under these responsibilities and we’ve got the  bumperstickers to prove it.  Buck up kiddies.  We are on a pilgrimage, not sitting in the green room waiting for our turn to sit on the Judgment Couch of the “It’s Later Than You Think.” Show.  Back to you Jimmy.

Baby Don’t Be Sad, ‘Cause 2 out of 3 Ain’t Bad.

So Pat Robertson, self proclaimed modern prophet and hearer of the voice of God, has made another amazing prediction! Apparently the US will be hit with a major terrorist attack in late 2007 causing the possible death of millions of people…wahhh wahhhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Recent prophecies from our modern day Jeremiah include a prediction of a Bush LANDSLIDE in 2004 (51% of the vote is a landslide?), monstrous storms and a possible tsunami crashing into America’s coast in 2006 (wait…how many major hurricanes did we even have last year!?), and of course the classic “a comet will hit Disney World because they have Gay Day” prediction in the late 90’s.

Old Patsmear has this to say about his track record: “”I have a relatively good track record,” he said. “Sometimes I miss.”

The question Pat, is this. If you are hearing these things from God, is it YOU who are missing the mark? I mean, let’s put the blame where it belongs! Isn’t it GOD who would be missing the mark if these prophecies aren’t becoming fulfilled?

Master Theologian Jimmy Kimmel ran this amazing piece on the issue: clip